Communication Troubles are arising. How can he understand something I can’t even explain.

Yesterday was his birthday. I did all I could to make it special. I still can’t communicate with him. I can’t find words to let him know what I feel.

I hate that I can’t deal with emotions, Coping was going well. Not anymore. It doesn’t help that I’ve gained a ton of weight and feel like a massive hippo.

School is done now, and if I get one of the jobs I applied for, I probably won’t see him all summer. I don’t know how I’ll deal with that. It’ll take ajusting to be alone all the time again.

I can’t resort to people(friends) for comfort. my only choice is him and I don’t even know how to. It’s not his fault. He tried to understand, but how can he understand something I can’t even explain.

Nick

Nick tells me he loves me.

It makes me feel good about myself. He has never made me feel like my ex has, I always feel valued. I’m not good alone, I need support. I need someone. He is that someone right now, but I don’t want to use him. I tell him I love him back, But I can’t help but feel it’s because I can’t bear being alone. We don’t have a real relationship, we just see each other when we have time, but oh, do I crave for it to be more.