December. Recovery and weight

Since last time here,

 

I’ve lost 7lbs, 117lbs now.

Positively, my eating has been reduced, and has taken it’s toll on my mental health at under 800 a day, but I feel like a better person.

I’ve been keeping oats, fresh fruit and meat once a day, when I’m not fasting and 2x a week I have around 400cals of pasta or bread.

Got some new VS bras for work, and the support is amazing.
With all the lifting my job entails, I’ve been getting toned, but I’ve abandoned recover, as I see no point to it.

 

M and I have talked about a lot, we might move down south again, as an opportunity has presented itself, I just don’t know if I’m cut out for living close to my in-laws. They’re just such different people than I know, and I know it’s not fair, but I feel their ignorant for being all anglo.

 

 

I’ve gotten a raise, a work bonus and praise from my managers but the plant manager still hates me.

 

Will be on here more and more, and I am super active on twitter lately.

Head is rushing.

Every time I stand my head goes black, I get dizzy.
I missed the head rushes. Two days and I’m back in my comfort zone.

Today I realized it doesn’t have to be perfect.

I have come around to this thought, today, as I am almost 20 years old, that it doesn’t have to be perfect.. You can be asymetrical, you can cut a kiwi with a spoon and not use a knife and witht this I can appreciate it even more than if I had made it perfect. Stop stressing about the little things. Enjoy your goddamned kiwi.

My recovery, Ultimate happiness.

Making my videos public again. Discussing Recovery Goals

My Eating disorder Story

 My life struggling through eating disorders I’m not the best at explaining, over time I hope to develop better speaking skills.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysMH4Hd426Q 

26 Days Left

26 days to prepare for my independence.

I’ve made pages for good recipes to encourage myself to eat

Honestly, lately I haven’t been doing too good, not eating much, two days ago it was 35 calories. Yesterda;y ground beef, brown rice, and onions, 250 calories                                                           Today; ground pork, with Worcester sauce, some flax crackers ~300

So I need to get on track, if I want to keep working out.                                                                       A start would be eating breakfast and dinner. That’s my goal.

In college I’m planning on meal prep Sunday for 5 lunches and dinners, so I can have variety in my breakfast, and also weekend meals. I’m going to make a couple of the plans in advance and probably make a page just for that also.

I think things are going well for my personal life. Working on things as always.

That’s it for now, I’ll be back soon

Old Habits

So I’m falling into old habits…. Today I started off with yoga without eating, cleaned my room, lots of lifting furniture, sorting clothes, ect.. I ate a corned beef sandwich for lunch, and for dinner, I went back into my old habit of salmon and veg, steamed in parchment. My mother commented of course, but my other option was pasta with ground beef and cheese, and that was absolutely not allowed.

I’m starting to want to lose weight now that I’m working out more. I cant let myself get back into that. I must limit everything. Moderation is key.

Aaron told me there will me relapses, it’s part of recovery. but what I don’t understand is that I’m relapsing before making any progress.

Not healthy, but this is my ultimate trigger/mantra

Control

Stop, Think, 

What could happen?

Is that what you want?

What is Control?

Control. Holding on to control is a precious balance. Its listening to the right voices in your head, and ignoring what everyone around you tell you is best for you. It’s about pushing your limits. It’s about not giving in no matter how weak you feel, how ever strong the temptation may be. It’s about redefining your character. You’re only as strong as your state of mind.