My recovery, Ultimate happiness.

Making my videos public again. Discussing Recovery Goals

Residence

Yesterday was a good day, I met people, got really drunk and pissed off my ex. I’m currently sobbing and panicking in my room because I don’t fit in, people here either are into country and chick flicks, or drinking and drugs. I’m trying to stay away, so this has been hard for me. I took 1mg clonazepam because my sobbing was so loud that people were coming to check on me. Now I just have a steady stream of tears and bad thoughts. I don’t start class till Thursday. I hope tomorrow the loneliness will wear off. I’m useless like this.

Feelings.

I don’t deal well with feelings. I have such an emotional burden upon me, For the last 5 years I ignored it. I self harmed, did drugs, deprived myself of sleep and food, all so that these overwhelming emotions would stop. They did, they really did, except I never noticed. I was in constant hazy pain, My back hurt constantly, I had migraines that lasted for days Id be lucky for a full day without hurting. I traded off my emotional pain for physical pain, but never noticed  because I still hurt constantly. I could go on into my desent. But I don’t have enough tears to finish it.